Sudha was staring at the ceiling aimlessly it was the only place to look as she lay on her bed. It was 1 am. The night lamp’s blue light fused with night and added depression to the darkness. Raj lay next to her sleeping peacefully….his snores as relaxed as him. As the seconds crawled, that is how time moved for her now…the snores started becoming a pain for her, and she gave Raj a slight shake so that the snore would stop. She did not know what was irritating her…the snores or the nonchalance that Raj displayed. She shook Raj, he stirred and promptly continued with his snores. ‘Even in his sleep he ignores me, never listens, never acknowledges, …conditioned to becoming deaf to my voice…typically Pavlovian ’…and she felt a lump swelling in her throat and tears flowed. The snores continued unabashed, undaunted, brazen….

Sudha was now really getting worked up at Raj’s apathy, ennui, at least towards her. She shook him a little harder but he was dead wood. And as the snores continued oblivious to Sudha’s labiality … Sudha’s anger was also peaking…and she exploded.

Raj was stunned. He was still in a subliminal state…it took him a moment to realize that Sudha was crying, really crying and looking at him accusingly. Raj switched on the lights and was at a loss of words, he just went to get her water preempting her choking as she cried her heart out. He knew that the storm was necessary before the calm. Through her sobs she told him that she was tired of this loneliness, the past 8 months had been the most harrowing for her and she could take it no more. Three years back when Rahul had gone to the US she had Radhika with her, but now Radhika too had left for her studies in US and then Rahul’s decision to settle there had left her broken, depressed and she missed her children. ‘And you Raj, you have your busy life, your work, office, clients, meetings…I have nothing…just this never ending waiting, for you, for them to come online, call. I am lonely, alone, abandoned but what does it matter to you? You are wrapped in your cozy cocoon…all of are doing important things…I am useless, free with ample of time, awaiting death...life is meaningless’

Now that the lava was out Sudha looked with anticipation to Raj to fire his salvos. Raj looked at her longingly and just hugged her tight. It started another torrent of showers. ‘Don’t cry Sudha, I have seen you suffering, missing the children, I am not blind. I thought it would pass in a month or so but then I realized how deeply it has affected you. I have been trying to get my company to give me a posting in US. It will be a big change but I am gearing up for it and you also better start. In case my company does not do it then I will look for another job. A tough call at 55 as everyone prefers the young, but I will be willing to work even for a lesser salary so that should materialize. We have enough to buy a house there…we can sell this house too if need be. Now cheer up! I wanted it to be a surprise but your tears swept it all out of me.’

Sudha hugged him tighter and tried to ignore the slight allusion of sadness in his eyes.

Raj was looking at her mesmerized, as she clung to him. Even at 50 she could stir him. It was almost 30 years since their marriage and he never found anyone who could come anywhere near her. In these 30 years Sudha had metamorphosed from a wife, a painter  to a mother and he from her husband to her children’s father and a bread winner. It was a natural transition and his work, earning and securing for his family’s future became his focus. Sudha’s life revolved around the children…. Their tuitions, their studies, their examinations and it were largely due to her efforts that they had done well in their careers. Rahul was like him a chartered accountant but went on to do his MBA from Wharton and was now working with a good company. Radhika had done her engineering and now had gone to pursue her MBA from Wharton. Rahul had suggested that both he and Sudha join them and shift there but he had out rightly rejected the suggestion. He loved his home, he loved Dehradun. With Sudha snuggled in his arms he slept.

The next day brought its promise of a possibility. Sudha was happy. She recalled how as a child she would love to peek into the nests that the sparrows and pigeons had built in their garden. She would watch in fascination as the sparrows would care for their little chicks, the tiny babies who were so helpless, and then they would be nurtured to face the world, pushed to fly, beyond yonder skies, soar high and touch new horizons. She hated the empty nests...but after all the tiny birds had flown the sparrows would start life again, without any hint of pain…..life has to flow….downwards.

Raj was relieved. He had managed to get the job. He could imagine Sudha’s excitement and he felt happy for her. Sudha was waiting for him ready with tea and a shine in her eyes. She wore his favorite floral saree. He showed her the letter confirming his appointment in the US…she read it and then just tore it. He was awestruck, speechless….

She laughed and took him to Rahul’s room. It was redone into an art studio. It had canvasses, paints, brushes, etc and there was a study table too…..Raj’s study table.

‘Now Rahul will need a larger space since he would be marrying and this room overlooks the garden so it is perfect for us. I think we need to rebuild our nest. An empty nest does not mean emptiness..... We will start our life from another angle again. Why must we leave all this and start from the beginning. I have to let go.’

Her eyes were inviting and her smile was enticing…...and Raj was not resisting …just melting.