Dagny this one is for YOU... Hope I have done justice to your story...

This is a sequel to Dagny's post
http://dagny2007.sulekha.com/blog/post/2008/04/koi-jab-tumhaara-hriday-tod-de/comments.htm


Chandani sits in front of the screen...the computer screen and as she touches the keys the words and memories match each other in speed. 

Annu it is never easy when one falls in love. For me I was 36 when love happened. I gave myself totally...always believed that things are not done half and half... He was just the kind of person who could make you feel that whatever you did was perfect. He was all over me...wooing me in style and I could not resist his wit, his intelligence, his love, and his constant attention made me happy. He noticed the minutest details about me and frankly even if there were the tell tale signs I had blinkers on and I gave in...because I loved him.  I invested all of me in this relation. It has to be absolute surrender of the mind, body and soul...no other way for me.

Love can never be equal...I loved and was honest because that is the way I am... and for me that is where it ends. I did project my expectations and my values onto him...but then realized that if he cheated ...it does not say anything about me...my fault was that I trusted him and that is one fault for which I am not going to feel guilty. I will not even say I was not wise or I erred in judgement . Love is never planned, it just happens. We all make mistakes but then these mistakes teach us so much about ourselves. A mistake is a mistake...dont take ownership of it. If you think it is your mistake it will lead to guilt and if you think it is the other person's mistake then it will lead to blame...so leave it at that.  His cheating has nothing to do with you..and there is nothing that you could have done to know and avoid it...

I know the pain, the loneliness that you must be going through...the sense of being used, abused but then if you continue to hate him...you are not going to render him your past..he will exist in a relationship of hate with you and will be there in your heart and that would be more painful. And then think of it ...does he deserve this much of tears and sadness and this much of attention. What has happened is the past, the more you will dwell in it the more difficult it will be for you to let go. Let go...the past is like a dead body...dont bring it in your house...in your heart. 

And then whatever financial losses and other losses I incurred I feel they were a small amount compared to the damage that he could have done. We still are sane and we can thank God for the small mercies.

Love is a personal journey that each one undertakes...what and how the other person is ...is actually a different aspect. It takes courage to let go of oneself and love...and surrender and give and I see myself as a more beautiful person because of this. Whatever was the end result it cannot take away those happy moments from me and like they say..It's better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all. It is not you but the guy who is the loser...You stand out as a tall tall person who conquered all fears and trusted. That is the grace and dignity of honesty and intergrity. And the risk of hurt is there in every aspect of life but that does not deter us from living and going about our business...so why exclude love. 

The process of thinking through it is painful; and when ever you want to talk, I would consider it a privilege to share your thoughts, go and meet your friends, relatives and move on with your life. And if at the end of the day your reactions are going to be based on how another person behaves towards you then you are being just his shadow....think of it..

No one can make you feel bad without your permission...and dont waste your time, affection and emotions on a barren, dead land. The day you stopped being happy, the day you doubted your self, the day you lost your self esteem ... he won over you...to defeat him all you have to do is embrace life, happiness, laughter, trust and reach out to people and he would have to become nothing in your life, just a past that has lived and gone. 

And would it help if you knew that there are so many kinds of awful men that one cant avoid them all ...so smile

Chandani